A Better Quality of LIfe?

I have had fun poking around this website by the International Society for Quality of Life Studies.

Want Better Self-Esteem?

Check out these suggestions!  In short, shut up your inner critic, remind yourself of things that you like about yourself, make choices you can be proud of and be kind to others (then you can like this about yourself if nothing else!), and let go of perfectionism and comparing yourself unfavorably with others.  The perfectionism tip really resonated with me.  I think every time I go on Facebook, I am struck by how much less accomplished and awesome I am than all of my Facebook friends (read: that guy I met once who friended me five years ago whose face I couldn't pull out of a crowd).  I have to remind myself that we are all walking different roads, we all have different challenges we need to face and overcome in this life, and the point of life and God's challenge to us is almost certainly not to be the prettiest, go on the best vacations, marry the most perfect spouse, find the picture perfect career, and then combine all of those into some kind of magazine spread of perfection.  No, we need to figure out who we are meant to be, how our talents can better the world around us, and how we can do the most we can possibly do with what we have been given.

The Habits of Supremely Happy People

This article had good advice, and I wanted to share!  In short, give back to others, practice gratitude, connect on a deeper level with others, and try to be happy.  I have been doing a lot of reading on the subject lately, and I'm convinced that the key to happiness is to learn to appreciate what you have and look outside of yourself.  My new focus has been to think about what I can give to the world and to put on the back burner what I want from the world for myself--sort of a variant of JFK's famous quote: Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.  If we apply that concept more broadly to what we have the ability to give the world, then I think we are on the right track to feeling more fulfilled and also to making the world a better place for everyone.  Maybe then, to quote another truism, a rising tide will lift all boats, and we will also be lifted personally.

What Makes People Happy?

I haven't posted in awhile.  I'm now not sure exactly what I was thinking when I chose this blog name (or why I paid through 2015).  I think it was one of those moments on Godaddy when every idea for a name you have is taken unless you pay $5k to some sketchy company.  What a surprise that the super awesome name I chose was available!

I have never quite gotten the hang of blogging.  It is crazy to me that you write something in your pajamas, push a button, and suddenly your words might pop up on someone's computer in China (or maybe will never be read by anyone).  It is sort of a sharing Russian roulette.  I like the idea that somewhere, someday (well, before 2015), someone else will be feeling alone and like no one else feels the way they do and might stumble on this and feel that at least one person with awful taste in domain names has been there (I guess it would be more of a comfort if it was a person with awesome taste, but alas, I am just one woman).

I think I came here tonight because I have been feeling lost, and I am tired of talking to my friends about the same old thing, which is basically that I am not happy in my life and don't know what to do about it.  I have not, in fact, been happy in my life for quite a long time, and the years are running past me, and I feel like I've missed my chance to seize my best life.  Now I'm left with my third or fourth best lives, and soon I'll have missed those too.  But, even knowing that I need to do something to get out of this rut, I am truly at a loss as to what to do.

If I had unlimited resources, I would move to Italy like the Eat, Pray, Love lady and cry into my amazing pizza before ambling off to Bali to engage in a life-changing love affair. Since my savings account is hovering around zero-ish with student loan debt making my net worth negative, I will have to settle for musing on the internet. 

Here is the question I muse about:  what makes people happy?

This is what I see: we are raised to all want the same fairly cookie cutter life.  First, you aim to be really popular in school in whatever group you choose to be your group.  You do that by being like everyone else in that group, whether you're a cheerleader or in a band (of the cool or school varieties) or school plays or sports or too cool for any of the above, and then you aspire to the next great thing from that group, whether it's playing professional sports or going to Harvard.  Of course you're eventually supposed to find a soulmate, fall deeply in love after a torrid romance, get married and have kids.  You need a job you love that is supposed to make you rich but also fulfill you.  Then you need a house and a great car and a timeshare or summer home or amazing annual trip.  This is your life.

Except... what if you can't find those things?  What if you never find a group where you fit, and you never quite want what everyone else wants and tells you to want, and you never find the awesome job or the amazing soulmate that helps you produce those amazing kids?  You feel like you've somehow missed the boat, although I'm starting to feel like the people who get the job they thought was their dream job and the spouse they thought was their soulmate also end up feeling like they missed the boat.

So, we're back to what makes us happy.  I really don't know the answer.  Aren't you glad you read this, random person in China?  I've managed to solve 0% of life's great mysteries.  I've exhausted myself!  Off to sleep the sleep of the mediocre internet muser.

Depression Is A Disease

It took me a long time to view depression as a disease.  I blamed myself for not being positive enough or able to "get it together."  This view was shared by a lot of my friends, who seemed truly baffled when I would cancel plans, swearing that I simply could not get dressed and out of the apartment.  And, for me, there was  lot of shame in coming clean to people that I was not feeling 100%.  I didn't know how to convey what I was experiencing.  I still think it is almost impossible to make someone understand who has never been truly, uncontrollably depressed. 

I remember one Friday night, I had promised to meet up with several friends at a party.  I had that feeling in my chest where it seems your lungs are being flattened by an anvil, and each breath is like inhaling acid.  The thought of facing a noisy bar and acting chipper and upbeat--let alone the battle to put on something appropriate to wear and lipstick--left me completely debilitated.  I. Could. Not. Do. It.  I called to tell my friend, and she was angry with me.  Even though there would be other people there, even though I wasn't leaving her abandoned on a Friday night with no plans, she was offended that I was cancelling last minute.  I started to cry.  I sobbed on the phone, "Do you think I want to feel this way?  Don't you think I want to be out having fun on a Friday night?"  She proceeded to give me a lecture about how I was wallowing in self-pity and that I could choose at any time to just decide to stop feeling sorry for myself.  I admit that I sort of shared her view, which made me lack empathy for myself and made it even more difficult to feel better.

Now, I am convinced that depression is absolutely a disease--a disability that people can't see but that is just as serious as a physical malady.  If you have it, go easy on yourself.  You wouldn't tell a person with a broken leg to suck it up and run a marathon, right?  What you are experiencing is real, and you can get through it.  Don't make it harder by berating yourself for being sick!

Even Underdogs Make Long Shots

We all have to guard against the belief that we can never be more than we are today.  For example, it's easy to think that if you have never found love, you won't ever find love; if you haven't been successful at building the career of your dreams, you can't ever have the career of your dreams; or if you've been unhappy for as long as you can remember, you will always be unhappy.  People learn from their experiences, sure.  In a lot of ways it makes sense (think about cavemen learning the hard way to stay away from that saber tooth--the next caveman definitely benefited from believing that going to close would be dangerous!).  In real life, going toward the saber tooth is sometimes exactly what we need to do.  We have to confront our deepest fears.  Usually we learn one of two things: our fear was unfounded (i.e. we open up to someone and realize we can trust them) or our fear was founded, but we survive it, and the survival diminishes our fear (i.e. we open up to someone and get hurt, but the hurt isn't as bad as we thought it would be). 

The reason it's so important to confront our saber tooth is because sometimes the unexpected happens.  Sometimes miracles even happen.  But if you don't put yourself in a position to be blessed, then God can't bless you.

Whenever I want to remember how important it is to believe that I can make the long shot, I love to watch this video.  (I dare you not to tear up, at least a little!)

My new favorite show: Touch

On a side note from my serious philosophical musings, I am really enjoying Touch, the new show on Fox.

We all want to believe that there is some grander pattern at work in our lives.  So far, I haven't managed to watch even one episode without tearing up a little!